attention before you start to read this, this FF has a lot of Spoiler from Umineko in it, so please make sure you really want to read it anyways. thx
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"once in a time at Rokkenjima there at the Mansion, worked our beloved Servant

(Kanon- hey I'm Furniture! and what's that beloved for? )

"be silent I tell the story now...." *cough* ...well once at Rokkenjima there worked a Milksop... named..K.. Kanon...

( Kanon- what the hell.. I'm not a Milksop you Chocolate obsessed Witch's Furniture, did you just came to make fun of me again?!!! and Kanon isn't my real name!!shimatta )

the pale haired Stake turned round showing her obvious already angered expression , she replied with a louder voice

"I said be quiet!!!
grr....
well were was I? ah yes!!! ....after many amusing...eh I mean evil plans where I was allowed to kill this Milksop .... the Witch Be.......

( Battler- what the hell Witches does not exist!)

Satan -  YES they do! The Hell... Shut the f*** up! or Die Human!!"

( Battler- You can't command this to me,  because Witches does not exist and neither do Demons and because I don't believe in that crap , you don't exist and you can't tell me to shup up and neither you can kill me!! )

Satan"..........."

the Stake turned in a circle as she slightly grumpled the envelope from the letter with the one winged eagle ( or is it an Umineko >D ) Crest..
which was obvious given to her by Beatrice

"Damn this crap I swear why do I have to make this stupid Story, and Mammon-Nee-san is enjoying all time with Ange-sama outside??Asmo-nee is having fun with Amakusa too...everyone has there fun with someone, then why me???? you know what I cancel that crap go and find someone else telling the story!!"

a red demonic and occult circle appeared under Satan and she disappeared only left behind some golden Butterflies..( wow it's Card Captor Satan!!! )

however after she disappeared a new figure appeared falling down from the sky like out of nowhere. a petite girl wearing a white dress and beret , a purple bow fitting the dress and sky blue eyes. proud the orange -brown haired female was holding a Billhook and then began to twirl

"hauu~ now where Satan-chan canceled I take over that story..by now you all know about Kanon-kun and Rokkenjima....so let's continue"

( Battler- "Hey Rena-chan, they don't know anything about it or do they? besides more important, can I touch your boobs?" )

Rena didn't pay attention to the red haired guy that was obvious a pervert. still ignoring him she continued telling the story.

"well in EP 1 Kanon-kun planed to get revenge on the honored golden Witch Beatrice-sama whi(t)ch does exist !! Kanon followed his plan because he had decided to become the Zero in the Demon's Roulette and soon went into Level 5 mood, he ran after the Culprit like a Hero, and his Hair shimmered more cool like it ever seemed to be in the Visual Novel.. after running inside the Boiler Room. he took a Billhook. which makes him a Cleaver Boy .  hauuuuu omochikaeriiii~ "

( Kanon- ano...actually I was just taking that Billhook to protect myself somehow...and what's Level 5?)

"USODAA!!!! ehehe....I mean , come on now, Kanon-kun no need to be shy we all know that you took it to get revenge !! and we know your epic moves before you died !! Level 5 in short LV 5 is what made you even more epic !! I even named my Cleaver Kan-chan in dedication to you."

( Battler- I do agree with her besides the point with Witches and that nonsense .. but may I touch your....)

(Kanon- but I really......Battler-sama???)

Kanon couldn't speak anymore because Rena just hit her Billhook into Battler's Head. while Battler was crawling on the ground in a puddle of blood.. she laughed insane

"kyahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa...
that's the punishment for trying to touch my boobs..kyahahahaha.....ahahaha...shineeee...."

Kanon who saw this whole scene in shock and now probably thought as if it wouldn't be enough to see everyone die in the usual Chess Games.
bend down to his master and then looked over to the crazy girl
"what did you do?!!! he's dead!!"

Rena giggled and then answered  don't worry Beato-sama will fix him as always<3 Battler raised his head with last strength and let out a few words

"USOTSUKI" she can't because...WITCHES DOES NOT EXIST!!!!!"

END
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